You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
