ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
