Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
