My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
People in love make me want to vomit
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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