I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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