i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
