Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
