I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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