No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
