My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
