Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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