cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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