It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
