Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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