Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
