So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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