I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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