I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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