We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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