I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
