If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
