what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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