I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i think i just lost a toe
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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