he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
