There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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