My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
