I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
