"it" just moved
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why do cheetos always look like penises
sarcasm needs its own font
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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