he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
