I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
