How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
