i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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