I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
