we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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