you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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