i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
