Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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