Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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