I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
