Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
