I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
