Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
