I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
