you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
