Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
