the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
