I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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