So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You are a genius and a whore.
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