I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
