He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
