but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
